Just fell off a train. Bad.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Boobs speak an international language.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize