a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize