things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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