so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
