eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
