I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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