Kiss
Puke
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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