I can text with my tongue
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
