he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
