EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
