Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
