So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
