my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
