it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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