Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
