tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize