the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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