I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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