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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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