I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
