i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
