This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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