Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
