some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
