Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
