Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
