Swine flu. Run for my life!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
