Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
wat bout pragnant strippers??
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
