God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
