thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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