just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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