plz talk dirty to me
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
