Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
