i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
