Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
