I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
