woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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