Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
