how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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