I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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