sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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