smell my finger.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
