I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize