people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
this is an emotional support booty call
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
