i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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