he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just google imaged poop.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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