Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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