You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Text me some of your sweat
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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