The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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