i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
