dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
