What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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