you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
