I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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