What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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