The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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