It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
