can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
