I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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