Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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