Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
