Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need to calm my uterus...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
