My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
