bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
