dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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