Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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