So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
