am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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