Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
