he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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