So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
