We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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