I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is wine microwaveable?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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