why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
