Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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